the lesson

do i have words in my bones or in my brain?
cause i sit here and sit here and sit here
with a hole in my heart.
so this one is for all the people i'm tired of writing about.

i sit here and sit here and sit here and
and i wonder what for?
what am i trying to do?
because i used to write to feel
and now i feel so much it hurts
and i used to write to take away the pain
but i've written and thought and written some more
but the pain lies in my fingers.
i used to think it was unbearable because i never spoke the words
but everyone has heard it all now
and it's still unbearable.

you know how you can hear something your whole life
but it doesn't sink in until a very specific moment?
well i've had that moment
and i believe
and i want to believe
and i want to get better
so what is the lesson from all this?

and believe me
i think pretty words can come from euphoria just as much as hurt
and i want to read more pretty words that don't make the bones in my back ache.
but i sit here and sit here and sit here
and what flows isn't what i'd call euphoric.
so what's the lesson?