Tuesday, April 29, 2014

My Day

Well I cut six inches off my hair, but only like four on one side.
I wanted my hair to be off balance, like my life.
(That was a joke, laugh plz.)
It's been an interesting day.
Now it's 8:14 and I don't know what to do.
So, here's what I'm feeling right now if anyone cares:



STARS - FUN


(^ the above boy meets world pictures is unnaturally accurate considering the events in my life right now)

Sunday, April 27, 2014

I Really Like Reading.

How To Read A Book Without Taking On All The Feelings the Characters Feel Which Means You'll Most Likely Get Emotional At The End:

1. Don't read the book

How To Enjoy Reading A Book:

1. Pick a book
2. Stay up late reading it
3. Empathize with the characters
4. Begin to take on all their feelings and emotions
(this means you might cry when finished. or you might be uncontrollably happy)
5. Finish the book
6. Smile (yes, even if you're crying. appreciate the art of what you just read.)
7. Repeat

Friday, April 25, 2014

You're Right

You always think it's just you.
You always think that there's no one who could possibly understand
what you're going through,
that no one in the world feels the way you do.
And let me tell you something:
you're right.
You're right, because you are unique
and no single person thinks the same exact way you do.
And that's so beautiful.
It's amazing to know that out of seven million people,
you are you,
and absolutely no one can take that away.
Though you are completely unique,
the only one who can truly understand you,
you are in no way alone.
I have layed on my bed,
my heart pounding so fast,
it bumps into my lungs
sending my breath to get tangled up in my veins.
My blood runs cold,
and I can't cope.
Most days,
I don't see the point anymore.
You tell me I go through all this to die?
It's not worth it.
But I can't just lie down to become a shell of what could have been.
Why?
Because I am not alone.
It might not be worth it for myself,
but to someone else,
it makes all the difference.
And while my best friend might never be able to make sense of my life,
though she can't understand what I'm trying to say
and she will never feel the way I have felt,
we are in this together.
We have intertwined hearts and fingers
just to get through it.
And she would die before she left me to go through this alone.
You have very uniquely touched someone's life.
You have imprinted their minds with a crevice so deep,
it will probably stay there forever.
And that is breathtaking.
No one could have made that
except for you.
So next time you've had it
and you're ready to throw it all away because
"What's the point anyway?"
Remember that everything you do,
you take someone along with you,
for better or for worse.
So, yes,
you are misunderstood.
Absolutely no one knows how you feel.
That's the beauty of it.
Congratulations.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Tylenol PM

Being honest, I don't understand why we can't sit on a hillside and watch the clouds while writing poetry, because I've yet to churn out something that amazes me.

I keep getting all these crazy ideas, but I think my brain is working against me, because the words freeze in my mouth and the blood can't get to my fingers.

I've been thinking what real artistry is and I still don't have an answer because when I broke my restraint it ruined my mom's day.

I like breaking almonds in half with my two front teeth before chewing them. I let my tongue run over the crumply outside and then on the smooth inside. The harder the almond is to break, the bigger satisfaction. Sometimes I put too much force on and hurt my jaw. #confession I have a weak jaw, along with most other muscles in my body.

Is your heart a muscle? What about your brain?
No, silly me. Those are organs.

#confession I don't have strong muscles, or organs.

I really just want to sleep.
Really, that's all.
But, I couldn't sleep
so I took so Tylenol PM.
"Use: To help sleeplessness due to minor aches and pains."
30 minutes have past.
I'm still awake.
My heart is beating.
My brain is spinning.
My eyes are watering
and I still feel the pain.
Guess this isn't minor.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

it's almost a cheesy love song.

1, 2 i'm thinking about you
3, 4 i heard a knock at my door
5 we're feeling alive
6 but then we throw my feelings in the mix...
7, 8 i really think we'd be great
9, 10 please not this again...

i'm laying in my bed
my eyes are closed
but my mind is open to the picture of us...
of us sitting in your truck,
you know, in the back.
my nails are painted
but it doesn't matter what color.
i don't even care what we're doing
because you're finally mine.
the best part is we're clean.
both of us are clean and ready
and excited
and fresh for this new perspective.
and then i open my eyes
and i take in the reality.
the dream slips away and
i curl up tighter.

10, 9 you're not mine
8 maybe it's fate
7 or maybe it's my depression
6, 5, 4 my head hits the floor
3 have fun away from me
cause without you,
i'm not 2.
just 1.
and i think you're the 1.

o hai

hi.

Haven't been on here in a while.
"it's fine, i'm over it."

Did I just forget how to write,
or did the writing leave me?

Pretty sure one my most recent posts was about a Hot and Spicy McChicken,
AKA THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE.

hi!
Are you still there?
I swear I'm not crazy!
I swear I'm not crazy.
I SWEAR I'M NOT CRAZY!!!
i SWear I'm nOt crAzY.
I swear I'm not....

whatever. I don't need to prove anything anymore. I never really did, actually. Y'all people don't matter. Sorry, but truly you don't. after graduation i'm done. i'm out. peaccce. (lol whatever we all know i'm staying in utah so i don't have to leave me mum) ESPECIALLY YOU PEOPLE WHO THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. Just leave, and figure out your own shit before you dive into mine. Please, I pay someone to take care of my shit, she's called a therapist, and last time i checked you don't have a pretty paper hanging up on your wall so don't even try to act like you're qualified for my life, cause hun, i'm not even qualified for my life anymore. thanks for never actually caring and just talking. it really helped tear me down.

but let's be honest the problem was never you, it was me. but i'd still really appreciate it if you left.

Hi, are you still reading this? Sorry. I know it's...

maybe I just shouldn't post it.

You know, I've written poems. I've written poems in my absence. But they're not coming up here because there's not enough ink my brain to flow them onto paper, and my fingers aren't quick enough to type up the dreams of my soul.

I just want to take his face and dump it into a bucket of ice and scream "HERE. HERE IS MY LIFE NOW APPRECIATE IT."

I wanna pick her up and shake her and then brainwash her and make her understand the truth.

I want to lay in bed where the hands that touch me aren't cold and the bruises don't hurt as bad.

I want to break that chandelier and have it fall in the middle of the dance floor as everyone stares laughing at me. But it'll be okay because I meant to do it and I'm slowly flipping everyone off. Then I leave with my crew and we're laughing at the one boy who craves attention and the other one who can't look with an honest eye.

I want to immerse my fingers in the middle of a Chick-fil-a sandwich, because they're always really warm.

I want to bite her shoulder because then maybe I'd be satisfied and she'd understand.

It's fine, none of the above makes sense to me either. So I guess I'm really just saying sorry, but I have nothing to apologize for, so just take it as you will. Maybe if I say sorry wrong will be right and I won't be so confused anymore.