I already said I was bad at titles.

"Lately life's been the same, I find this comfortable place with all my friends and then my friends start telling me that I've always been wrong.

I'm so tired of being wrong."

Paranoia in B flat Major - The Avett Brothers

I lied to you today. I guess I should say I'm sorry, but I'm really not. I know it's awkward to not hear me say sorry, because it's turned into my comfort word, and it's getting hard to say anything else. I lied because I was uncomfortable with the situation. She terrifies me to no end, and I don't know what would happen if I lost you. I lied because it was too cold outside and I'm too much of a wimp to have fun anymore. I lied because this is about the seventeenth time I've read Harry Potter, but if I can open my mind to his world, I can shut mine to my own.

I'm going to be honest, I'm sick of giving you my loyalty and my trust and my love and receiving nothing in return. Whoever said giving is better than getting has obviously never been in my situation, because it sucks. I know you adorn me with your title of "best friend", but I feel like I'm no better than that girl you trashed the other night. When I talk to you, you've begun to roll your eyes and belittle me. We always talked about how belittling is the worst punishment, and I'm regretting opening up to you.

The worst part is, I know you're not trying to punish me. Or, I hope you're not trying to punish me. (What did I do? I'm sorry.) With how little we've been talking and how much you've been talking, I'm starting to think it really is a punishment. 

I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry

And maybe my mind is playing tricks on me, but it wouldn't be the first time. Or maybe you just don't want to be my friend, because you mock me with your every inflection. They say actions speak louder than words, and you couldn't get more true than that, not even with the Bible.

And I don't know if you're going through a hard time, but if you are, I'm here, I always have been, but I don't know if I always will be, because you're actions have been pushing me farther and farther away, and I'm about to fall off the cliff.

I really can't lose you, because if I do then I really am alone. Just simply alone. 

because she went to him,

but she wasn't actually there at first

because her problems were bigger than the world.

and when he started to leave

i clung on too hard and just ended up pushing him away.

and they're not true friends,

but if i ever need a high i know who to go to.

and him...

well, he's there for everyone else, too

and i've always been a little possessive. 

but it's only because i've never felt like i've had a true thing to call my own.

sorry.

actually, i think i really am this time.

Just simply alone.