Raggedy Ann

(I'm on a diet and I should be on my elliptical right now. LOL)

It's 7:02, and maybe I'm just obsessed with time, but I'm waiting for your call. I'm waiting because you made me walk halfway to you before saying no, you'd call me later. Well, it's later and I'm waiting for your call. I honestly don't even want to see you, but you make it seem like I'm a big deal. You make it seem like I'm somehow important in this maze you call your life, but how long until I get lost in it again? No, I'm seeing all the warning signs, I guess I'm just ignoring them.

It's now 7:06 and my obsession rings on with my gratitude for him. You know, his texts tonight reminded me that I'm a person, something you could never do, cause in your eyes, I'm an object. A doll even. But not an eighteen-inch with pretty hair and glass eyes, a rag doll. I won't break if you throw me.

7:08, and I'm becoming increasingly aware that I want to read in the bathtub.

7:10 and I remember I'm scared of reading in the bathtub, because I don't want to drop my book in the water.

7:11 and I had to wait a whole minute to write something else, because of my time issues. Remember how I said I won't break if you throw me? Yeah. I'm proud of that. I'm proud because I don't need to mold to your life, I'm going to get up and walk away this time.

Actually, I might not break,  but I certainly got ripped when she distanced me. (7:13)

Maybe things would be different if I cared about what I wore a little more. Maybe, 7:14 now, if I kept my hair blonde and laughed at everyone's jokes instead of calling them idiots, I'd be happier. Maybe if I started high school over again tomorrow, I'd meet someone like you and Rhonda Bromley would know my first name because I'm "that cool". I bet I wouldn't swear as much, and I think you'd like that, and maybe I'd speak Spanish. Then we would speak together and laugh at the pointless things we said. No one would know, because we were speaking Spanish. Maybe I'd just always have to be happy for you without getting too close, cause I'm not sure you know what a real friend is.

It's 7:19, the perfect time to think about what I'd do differently if I could press restart on high school. I'd probably make it a goal to graduate seminary, and talk to people. That means I'd have 684 friends, rather than the whopping three I have now. I'd carry around a princess lunch box and smile at everyone in the hall. I'd have four pairs of combat boots, and two pairs of riding boots, and skinny jeans would be my middle name. Heaven forbid I wear leggings, no no no. Too scandalous.

Well, 7:26, and here's what I've got to say. It doesn't bother me that I'm not on student council, and I will call you an idiot if your joke is stupid. Call me Raggedy Ann, but you can't tear me down, because I'm determined to get back up, with or without you. I love my friends, and I love my acquaintances, too (I've got a lot of those) I do have a swearing problem, but you better damn well deal with it, because it's gotten a lot better since November. My lunch box is Charlie Brown, but I don't even pack a lunch anymore and that doesn't bother me. Going to all four periods a day is hard, and I know you belittle me when I admit that, but get off your high horse. I only own one pair of combat boots, and one pair of riding boots, and they're both brown. I sometimes put thought into what I wear, but lately I haven't, and that's when I've been getting the most compliments. I LOVE LEGGINGS and I will wear them always (except not lately because all of mine got holes in them) I'm in the middle of skinny and fat, but my butt is rockin'. And I don't know if I'm making sense anymore, but I really don't care, because it's 7:32 and I'm still waiting for you to call.

I think when you call I'll blow you off because I'll be reading a book in the bath.

7:33 and I think I'm going to love me.