I guess you could say I'm human. I have a working body of flesh and blood, and I suppose I feel.
Lately, feelings have been becoming a task, not an emotion.
She got engaged...feel happy.
Mom's on vacation...feel rebellious.
You're applying for college...feel excited.
You two made up...feel relieved.
Name any positive emotion, I've checked it off on this ever going to do list I call my brain:
ecstatic (check)
brave (check)
blessed (check)
energetic (check)
happy (check check check)
(that one has a lot of checks, because apparently you're supposed to feel it a lot.)
faithful (check)
motivated (check)
free, prepared, relaxed...
Forcing yourself to feel isn't fun.
Forcing yourself to feel isn't right.
Forcing yourself to feel isn't human.
So, maybe what I'm trying to say is I'm not human.
Maybe what I'm trying to say is that I am a robot.
That I really believe my brain is wire a certain way, and there's nothing I can do to change it.
There are these times when I feel a glimmer of emotion. I smile naturally, I laugh whole heartedly...
But then when I lay in bed, I close my eyes and wipe my tears,
because I'm not turning back to my past,
it's catching up to me.
She got engaged...felt lost.
Mom's on vacation...felt lost.
I applied for college...felt lost.
We made up...felt lost.
Someone get a road map, because I might not be taking u turns, but I sure am lost.
I've read and love all of your posts. I can tell that you aren't trying to be something you're not to get lots of comments or get on the top 5. You are just real and I like it.
ReplyDeleteI love the last statement.
ReplyDeleteoh my nelly. your ending. tying in the "no U turn." you killed that. soo impressed. honestly though. i feel the same. i have emotions that i am forced to feel. but i just feel lost.
ReplyDeletegood work. no u turn. *insert applauding emoji*
"Lately, feelings have been becoming a task, not an emotion"
ReplyDeleteThat line spoke so truly to me. You have a brilliant conscious.
#Preach I feel this and I raise my glass to it and make a toast that it should forever live a long happy life. Everytime my parents go out of town I feel like I'm supposed to do something crazy, but instead: Netflix. There are too many lines for me to pick a favorite. but don't be suprised if more than half of this post is stolen.
ReplyDeleteAlso I love how you've tied every post back to your title "no u turns" it takes a lot of creativity to make it work every time and it's the perfect signature.
Crying...
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite posts
felt lost
felt lost
felt lost
felt lost