I KNOW LOVE POEMS ARE THE WORST.

Sometimes life can be really hard.

But somehow,

sitting with you,

being able to feel the cold cement on the back of my thighs...

it made it all worth it.

Your words could do something to me

that a good relationship with my mother couldn't even attempt.

You instilled a light of hope

in what felt like a useless shell.

I miss you so much.

It's awkward to miss something that was never yours.

I can't believe you did this to me.

I can't believe I'm blaming myself.

I have never been more rich

than when you looked at me,

that night on my porch.

"You're beautiful, you know that, right?

I was just thinking about how I've never told you that.

You're so extremely beautiful,

inside and out."

The cliches became rocks to steady me through the next couple weeks.

I want to scream.

I want to scream until I can convince myself

all the wrongs were right,

and it was never worth it anyway.

I have never wanted to shut down more

than in his car when he asked me

"What were you guys, even?

Like, did you date?

I don't even know what went on with you guys."

I crudely brushed him off

because I couldn't face the truth.

What he was thinking was probably a lot better than what happened.

Maybe I'm being dramatic.

Maybe they're getting tired of all the love poems I've written.

I know love poems are stupid.

I know they're cliche,

and the words are like a gasless cig lighter.

I know this poem has no affect on anyone but myself.

I'm so mad at me right now.

We could talk for hours.
We did talk for hours.
And nothing felt more cold than when our conversation ran dry.
I realized I didn't know what to say.
You didn't fill in the blanks.
I wanted to throw up just to fill the silence.

I don't know why I do this to myself.

I have never felt more comfortable

than the nights there was us,

and I have never felt more helpless

than the nights I remember us.

(wrote this for you, then stumbled upon this. Alis is just better at the words, and I couldn't be more grateful.)