A Letter to the Moon

Dear Moon,

I've thought about drowning myself in the rain, because I like the smell too much.

I always thought that maybe he'd come with me to the top of the hill, where we'd simply sit and laugh. I always imagined the sun would be setting and there would probably be flowers. However, the unrealisticness of that dream is now dawning on me as I realize that it couldn't be sunset. It couldn't be sunset, because when the sun is gone, you come out Mr. Moon. And you have abused me thoroughly enough.

You have seen me through all stages of life. Remember the games sister and I used to play when we shared a room? Do you remember that, Moon? Or maybe the vision is clearer of when I got scolded for staying up too late reading, then simply ignored my mother and read more. You've seen many laughs Mr. Moon, the the tears far outnumber the laughs. It has been under your watchful eye that I have crashed into a million pieces, only to be put clumsily back together again. The problem is, I'm beginning to realize that I can only put me back together so much.

Doesn't this phase you, Moon? (No pun intended.)

It's funny, I think I'm fine. I think I'm fine when the sun is high and my bones are warm and dry. My bones are pushing me along with soothing words of comfort, and I'm stupid enough to actually believe them. But once you come out again, it all deteriorates, and I am left with nothing more than my brain, which has proved to be the most dangerous tool of all.

Do you even care, Moon?

The worst is waking up to your looming face. How dare you still be up when I'm awake for a new day. The Sun is supposed to be there to clear away the woes of the night before, and to make sure the paste that holds me together sticks. I think the Sun is getting tired of his job, Moon. I'm getting tired of it, too.

Why are you taking your anger out on me? I'm sorry, I bet you'd like to give heat like Sun. I bet you wish that people weren't asleep the only time you're out. I suppose that being smaller than Sun is really a hard thing for you. And the fact that sometimes only parts of you can be seen must be really annoying. Is it frustrating that the stars, who you have dominion over, far outnumber you in 'awes' and 'oos'? Don't let that bother you, you are the main attraction.

Please remember, dear Moon, the the Sun is just a star, too.

I think I might know how you feel. I can't tell north from east or right from left, so please guide me through the night. I swore I wouldn't take any u turns.

Yours Truly,

(i wanna get better)

"Do you think J-Lo has a brown lawn?!"

Their laughs were all so unique. They could hit it high and let it loose as their laughs soared through the crowds and into the heavens. It's a cliche metaphor, but Joan thought it was perfect.

It's funny how idealistic life can be, and you don't realize it until it's over. It's like an episode of Friends.

Joan's laugh was something like a dying seal making its last wish. Natalie's was cute until she started wheezing, then it was just humorously beautiful. Wyatt's was just adorable. You could hear the laugh and know who it was, it fit him so well.

The laughs intermingled to make this beautiful harmony, as they all agreed you don't need to prove artistry, it's simply known.

Grabbing the debit card, they ran from the house and into the car. Natalie often let her rage turn into rash decisions. She felt like he owed this much to her, she was entitled to the card. "Maybe we should just go to McDonald's?" Joan suggested, "I need me that Hot and Spicy McChicken." Laughing (per usual) Wyatt drove the car straight to the drive through.

"Welcome to McDonald's, order when you're ready."

"Hi, can we get six Hot and Spicy McChickens and a large water?"

"So is the six Hot and Spicy McChickens?"

"And a large water!!"

Paying with Toby's card, they turned into the parking lot and began to eat, just laughing and their own humor. "This is legendary."

"We are legends."

And they didn't even feel that bad.

(Okay, so Joan and Wyatt felt a little guilty. Nat had no shame.)

But for the most part, they didn't even feel that bad.

Sneaking into the house, they returned the debit card, and left

laughing.

10:56 PM on a Tuesday

I dunno, I guess I kind of think all religions are true.

I do believe there's a God. And in my mind God loves you. And in my mind, the thing God cares about most is your relationship with Him. And in my mind, God just wants you to be happy.

I think all religions are true.

I really do. I think that religion is something we use to explain, something we use for comfort. I think that's why there's so many of them...God knew that one wouldn't work for just everyone. A religion is a place where we practice faith. And, I suppose as long as you have faith in Him, God is happy. God is happy because you're building a relationship with Him.

I know this is risky, saying this in Happy County Mormonville, but I really believe what I say. And maybe, there is one religion that is more correct than others, and maybe there is the "one true church"

but that doesn't mean the others don't have truth.

That doesn't mean that the others are wrong.

Because they bring people comfort, too.

And they're bringing people closer to God.

And God likes that.

Now, let's keep in mind, all religions, though centered on God (except Atheism and the Church of Science...but I see their points, too), are ran by people.

People are not perfect.

That being said, I'm concluding that there is no perfect religion.

There is a religion that can bring me peace and happiness and comfort, but it will not be perfect. Hey, maybe there are four or five religions I'd find peace within. And I'm fine with that.

I think that there are religions that have scary practices. Practices I don't agree with. And I think that's where the "ran by people" thing comes in. I believe at one point it was a pure religion, and now people have tainted it. I don't know how God feels about that, I don't want to try to figure it out.

Because what matters to me is my relationship with God.

Now please don't get me wrong here. I'm sure a lot of you are reading this thinking about how much you hate Utah County, because there are people who are posting about their religious preferences on their blog. But, I'm just being honest here. I'm not trying to persuade you any way, I'm just being honest.

I do believe there's a God. And in my mind God loves you. And in my mind, the thing God cares about most is your relationship with Him. And in my mind, God just wants you to be happy.

But, at many times in my life, I haven't felt my God. And I have been left alone. I don't know if God is mad at me, and I don't know how He punishes people, or why. I feel like He cut the cord on our telephone because He's tired of my mood swings. I feel like He just needs a break from me. And I'm so so sorry for that. I think He's done hearing my apologies. I don't know how He works, but maybe one day we can talk again. I have torn my hair out by the lamplight in my room, on my knees screaming for something, anything, to get me through the next day, only to feel nothing. I have sat reading a book all day because I can't will myself to stand up, and I have never had help. I don't know why He stopped talking to me, and I don't know if He's coming back.

I need to leave my religion to find my spirituality.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone with this, I really wasn't trying to. It's just what I honestly believe, I don't want to start contentions in the comments. If you believe that your church is "the only true church" that's great. I honestly am so happy that you're happy, but please don't bear me your testimony. If you do, I will most likely kindly ignore it. Also, I'm not claiming to be a religion expert. There's a lot of religions I don't know about, and if something I said is incorrect, I'm sorry. I'm pretty ignorant most days. I don't know if this makes sense. I don't know if anyone read it. I don't know if anyone cares. I know that maybe my blog wasn't the right place for this. And I know my words don't flow in beautiful tears down your face, because they're more like the blunt haircut you got made fun of for in the fifth grade. But I hope something about that haircut made you stronger. I know mine did. Everyone called me Lemon Head, and now I hate most people and hairdressers.

I don't know how that last phrase fit in, or how this whole post fits in the world, but it's 10:56 PM, and I should be getting in bed.

Do Your Dance

My heart flew from my chest and into your arms.

I just let it soar,

because it felt good,

and I knew that's where it belonged.

You grabbed it with enthusiasm,

and we watched the sunset

in a field of daisies.

My thoughts swam away,

faster than I ever could,

and before you knew it

we were both floating in space.

The lack of oxygen didn't bother us,

we were breathing each other's thoughts.

We were living through our souls.

Then, with sadness, you dropped my heart.

I picked it up and sewed it back it.

It was a simulation,

nothing more than space camp.

A taste of what might come.

The problem with a sample though,

is you end up craving the real thing.

Numb Legs pt. 2

How many times can you open an old wound?

You see, I don't think mine were ever stitched up properly...

I went to the doctor to get a lump checked out.

They said something about "minor surgery"

I'm fine now,

but I can't help but wish it would have been more drastic.

Really, I'm serious about that.

I wish it would have been more drastic,

and that it would have taken me longer to recover.

Then all of this pain would make sense.

How many times can you open an old wound?

How much physical pain comes from emotional trauma?

A lot my dear friends,

a lot.

Numb Legs

Haven't you ever thought

it'd be nice

to have everything

just shut down?

Your thoughts...

your feelings...

your brain...

your heart...

just stop.

Oh how blissful

things are

when we don't quite understand

them.

To have the clock stop ticking

like these thoughts in my head

would simply

be marvelous.

Oh,

someone come save me,

because I'm tired of fighting.

Bennie and the Jets

When I die,

will you pick me up in your arms?

Will you run your fingers through my hair,

while rubbing my shoulders to warm me up?

When you touch my fingers,

they're cold.

No problem,

you think,

they're always like that.

Cold hands warm heart.

Will a tear glide off your nose and onto mine,

causing me no disturbance?

Will you rock me in your arms,

softly singing my favorite songs?

She's a killer queen...

gunfire and a laser beam,

guaranteed to blow your mind...

Down on the corner,

party in the street,

Willie and the poor boys are playing,

bring your nickles, tap your feet...

(I hope you choke up on this last one)

Bye bye Miss American Pie,

drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry...

Will you try hard not to get your snot on me?

I know I'm dead, but these things can be avoided.

Will you cry and mutter things like

"better place"

and

"grandpa met you there"

Will you smile and laugh?

Will you at least do that for me?

Do it because you know that I'm counting on everything to meet Sirius Black in heaven.

At my funeral,

play loud music.

Make my best friend dance to it.

She won't feel like it,

she might miss me,

and she doesn't like my music.

Hey kids,

shake it lose together.

The spotlight's hitting something

that's been known to change the weather.

We'll kill the fatted calf tonight,

so stick around.

Dance,

please dance.

Shake your hair lose,

and make him tie his tie around his head.

I'll be dancing, too.

Just listen closely.

Oh, but they're weird,

they're wonderful...

Please get lots of cheese for my funeral lunch.

Like Aunt Suzy accidently did at Grandpa's.

It'll be really funny.

Please laugh.

Laugh like you did when brother got his tattoo.

Laugh like you do when Jared cracks his jokes.

Also, don't be surprised I'm dead.

We all know that it's been slowly creeping up on me.

It started with the light behind my eyes.

things i learn as i get older:

-you don't always have to be beautiful
-deodorant is a great blessing
-real beauty is the real deal, guys.
-sometimes your period is just simply the perfect excuse (even when you're not on it)
-texting is the WORST.
-listening to your dad's music can get you through about anything
-my parents are really cool
-poetry shouldn't be defined by a grade and a quiz, it's different and special for all.
-LIFE IS POETRY.
-sometimes leaving your spotify off private mode is a good thing
-food is a great necessity in all situations

• breakups
• makeups
• winning
• losing
• when you're hungry
• when you're not hungry
• when you're tired
• when you're with friends
• when you're with family
• etc

-be healthy, not skinny
-taking normal words and creating a new slang meaning for them is probably one of the most exciting things
-boys can scratch their crotches in public, but heaven forbid a girl try
-having a brother is one of the neatest things ever
-having two is even better
-there are few greater joys than holding one of your nieces or nephews
-i actually really like the shape of my body and i think that i'm natural not model (i'm okay with that y'all)
-sometimes you have to cry a lot and then sleep and not be okay for a week or two
-sometimes you're never okay, but that's okay.
-even when everything is not okay, you have to be adjustable.
-your mom cares if no one else does
-laugh at your cousin when he pierces his nose
-laugh at your mistakes
-just laugh in general
-dr. phil knows all.
-marriage is actually a really scary thing

it's 1:31 am i need to go to bed, but I'm probably going to eat a bagel first

Throwin' It Back

It ain't Thursday, but here I am throwin' it back.

Remember when we all went to the tennis match and I drew on your neck? Just to get attention? And when you called her annoying, I just got defensive? Gracious, I just laugh.

This ain't poetry, it's just a teenage girl reliving the better life at 1:00 am. 

(What else would I be doing at 1?)

I remember living for the nights we'd sit in the car and talk.

Lol at sophomore year. Just in general.

I loved junior year.

What I wouldn't give to be back there.

Everything was so right...

but there has to be a reason for this year, I suppose.

Remember how I was PEE-ISSED off one day and you accidently called me Hailey, and I didn't hear you? But you thought I was mad because you called me by the wrong name...I just didn't like you. But I loved you. I just didn't like you. Only you and me can understand our relationship, I love everything about it.

My curly ginger, I miss you! Remember that one time we went exploring and everyone was worried because they thought we were making out? And then we were just like "lol no." because we were actually apologizing to each other for being rude? We got so close and it's crazy to think how much you're maturing without me.

Ha, you used to text me every day after school. EVERY DAY. every. freakin. day.

It was annoying, but I missed it when it stopped.

I will forever miss dirty dancing with you, because the new girls just give me weird looks now.

Also, your back handed compliments and apparent brattiness with good intentions can never be replaced.

One of the dearest moments of my life is driving with you and talking about the most cliche things...and having them mean the most. Funny how that works out.

I hope I never forget high school.

Don't get me wrong, I'm flipping excited to graduate.

I was ready to leave this hell hole the minute I stepped in.

High school has been some of the worst years of my life.

I have grown to hate most people.

Sorry, they say hate is a strong word,

but I'm a strong girl.

That being said...

those I've grown to love.

Those memories I could never give up.

Those laughs that seem endless.

Those hands that I held,

and the hearts that tore mine out....

I can simply never leave. I wish they never ended.

Please God,

this is a prayer.

Don't ever let me forget high school.

Don't ever let me forget happiness.

It's an amazing and rare emotion...

but it's priceless.

True happiness?

I know it happens.

Definitely not often.

But...it's there.

Sometimes you just have to remember it.

Harry Potter Movies and First Kisses

I woke up at 6:20 am. Yes, 6:20 am on Monday, March 10, 2014, more commonly known as a day we don’t have school. I went up and got a drink of water, even though the internet told me cold water wakes you up. But I had this really warm taste in my mouth, and I didn’t like it.

I laid back down thinking about how desperately I wanted to go back to sleep. I wanted to sleep in so badly, even though I slept in until past noon on Sunday. I cuddled in my blankets and shut my eyes, giving my brain an excuse to see. I had a million things run through my mind, mainly about how I’m going to grow into a lonely old woman with eccentric clothes, but then I weighed the pros and cons and couldn’t decide which was worse. I really like flea markets, so the eccentric clothes don’t scare me anymore. I thought about how I’m getting so lonely that the first time I see love I’m going to cling to it and either 1) chase it away or 2) get in an abusive relationship. Then I hated myself because that was the truth, so I thought about something else.

I decided to press the replay button on last night. It was so fun for whatever reason (why didn’t we just go to Beto’s?!) and I loved that feeling so much.

Valiant: possessing or showing courage or determination.

(i don’t know if you realize how much that means to me, coming from you.)

Loyal: giving or showing firm or constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.

(this is more self proclaimed, but I know you think it too. and if you don’t that pisses me off, because let’s be honest  here.)

Honest: free of deceit and untruthfulness, sincere.

(sincere, check. free of untruthfulness? do white lies count? i only ever tell them with reason.)

“He can’t be a man, cause he doesn't smoke the same cigarettes as me.”

(my secret philosophy)

On Saturday I was listening to Bohemian Rhapsody, and actually got scared when they sang “thunder clouds and lightning, very, very frightening!”

If you leave with him, I’m not actually asking to come along. I’m just asking you’ll stay true to yourself and that you won’t forget me.

True: in accordance with fact or reality.

(…)

Next thing I know my eyes opened and it was 9:47. It was a very sweet sleep.

I'm afraid

I'm afraid of everything, really. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm afraid isolation. I'm afraid of people not liking me, just tolerating me. Believe me, I don't care if you don't like me. But if you don't, say it to my face. Don't act like we're friends. I'm afraid of the things that happen most.

I'm afraid of the truth, even though it's the only thing I really know. But then think that my truth is really lies and I don't actually know the truth, which scares me more.

I'm afraid to take the Sorting Hat quiz again, because I'm afraid I'll get a different house. (It happened, actually. And it was scary.)

I'm afraid at will happen if I do get too close to any of you. I honestly know that there are 3 people who actually know me, and I'm okay with that. Truly. I got a text once, and the person said they'd like to know more about me. I was shocked. I was more than shocked. I have never let that go, because I'm afraid it's a lie.

I'm afraid of college. I know it's cliche, but I am. I'm so, so, so afraid.

I've used this prompt before, and I'm afraid you'll put it together.

I'm afraid of my world falling apart, and I'm afraid of it staying the same. I'm afraid I'll never see you again, and I'm afraid that you'll stay in my life forever. It pains me to call you and have you be so kind. It pains me to see you. I love you so much. I'm sorry, but no matter how many times I say I've gotten over you, it's a lie. But, I'm afraid of when it'll be the truth.

I'm afraid. So so so afraid.

I'm afraid of posting this, because I've never felt weaker in my life.

10:19 pm (P.S. I smell bad)

This one is for you.

This is for your brain that never seemed to move past the junior high.

This is for your shoes that purposely have holes in them,

I'm terribly sorry.

This is for the hair you've lost

and the lies you've told,

this is for the tears that you've cried,

and the tears that you've caused.

This is for your eyelids that droop over your unnaturally round eyes,

and this is for when they close,

and you can breathe.

Now, this one is for you.

This is for your apparent beauty

that leaves everyone looking.

This is for your rash thoughts,

and the words that come from them.

This is for the friends you've lost,

and the ones you've gained,

and the ones that probably won't come back.

This is for the hugs I gave you,

they meant something, you know?

This is for the night in my backyard,

the only time you willingly let me hug you.

This is for all the times I wanted you to stay at my house,

because I'm worried what it's like at your house.

I've stopped caring about me,

this isn't about me,

it's about you.

This one, you guessed it, is for you.

This is for when you unwrapped my heart like a Christmas present.

Only, it wasn't a toy.

It's okay... I understand how you got confused.

This next one is for all of you guys.

It's for your image.

It's for your scene.

It's for your lies,

and your sneers,

and the stress you cause.

It's for your need for attention.

It's for your "corruption".

It's for your demand to be treated like a peasant,

and for your desire to be treated like royalty.

It's for everyone you have fooled.

Dear y'all,

I'm done.

This is for our shallow waters,

I'm almost sorry that we didn't swim to the deep end.

Almost.

This one is for me.

This is for testing out how often I actually have to shower.

This is for my apparent lack of creativity.

This is for my go-to writing structure.

This is for the body aches,

and the common complaints,

and this is for the stares and the insincere words of sympathy.

This is for the cold hands.

(I'm used to it by now.)

This is for dark nights,

and the misty mornings,

but even more importantly,

this is for the misty nights,

and the dark mornings.

This is for the three books I'm currently reading.

and the two I'll probably start after this week.

This is for my music.

This is for my Vitamin D deficiency.

This is for my brain,

will someone help me find the blue prints?

Because it's not matching up to hers.

Or his.

Or, anyone's really.

And I'm scared to admit it,

(I don't want to be smitten...

smited?

smote?)

but this is for the times  I've cried on my knees,

silently screaming for comfort,

beating my wrists and my head,

pleading

pleading

pleading

for help,

and it just simply didn't come.

This is for provoking my sister,

and wanting my brother,

and trying to find the remote to life,

because I'm ready to fast forward.

This is for red lipstick and liquid liner.

This is for her instagram-

no, this one is for me.

It's for cracking my wrists too loudly,

and it's about lost passions.

It's about wanting nothing more than to stop.

It's about my thoughts screaming,

and my mouth saying

"Hi, how are you?"

and it's for my ears listening.

Reaching Out, Curling In

Most days I just want to cuddle on a couch and read my books. With the rain splattering across the windows, it's so much easier to be in another's world than my own.

But it's not even the rain's fault, I love the rain. I love the smell and the sound and how one drop can pierce right down to your very soul. I love that it can make you feel things you didn't even realize existed. No, it's not the rain's fault.

It's hard to feel emotion when what you're feeling is so foul, you can't stand it anymore. I've heard so many times "happiness is a choice," and "you can choose how this day goes." No. I can't. Don't tell me I can, you don't know. I don't want to feel any emotion anymore. I want it gone.

People who say they'd rather feel pain than nothing at all must not know what they're talking about.

I know, I'm being depressing right now. You don't want to hear it? Fine. Leave. You wouldn't be the first. I'm quite accustomed to things changing now.

But, that's the funny thing about change, you can never actually get accustomed to it.

I think the blood in my fingers has turned cold from the amount of times I've reached out.

I think the bones in my legs are broken from the amount of times I've run away.

My eyes itch, I think I've dried up my pool of tears.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

SHUT UP.

Don't you dare act like you care.

Don't you dare act like you know me.

Just, shut up.

My head hurts from the amount of times I've thought about this.

My mouth is dry from talking about it too much.

You know, I honestly thought talking about it would make it stop.

(and you know...you have torn my heart into too many pieces to count, so don't you ever accuse me of morbidly writing again,

because it's really just your actions coming out in words.

they say actions speak louder than words,

it's true.

i could never describe what this has done to me.)

Break Me Harder

A broken nose is easier to fix than a broken heart.
So why didn't you just throw a brick at me?
Why did you feel the need to tear me down?
Why did you feel the need to be so foul,
and try to blame it on me?
Did you really think that you weren't in the wrong?
I'm disgusted.

I guess I'm sorry.
We were both wrong.
I have admitted it.
But honey, I gave you an inch,
and you took a mile.
I can't handle this anymore.

I wish you would have hit me.
I wish you would have broke my house down,
just to get one brick to throw at me.
I wish it would have crushed my nose,
and destroyed my face,
and that my blood would have drenched the ground,
as you drove away cooly.
But you didn't.
You left me here with everything intact,
except my heart...
and my mind...
and my soul...
but there's really no surgery to fix those.

Please, break my body in half,
an injury like that is so much easier to explain.

9:29 pm

I will never understand why everyone worships you.

And I feel like I need to apologize for that…but no.

Please treat your mother better.

I say the word ass too much, but I will always use it to describe you.

It killed me to watch you cry. I want to take some craft glue and stickers to mend your heart back together.  I want nothing more than for you to smile and fly through life as the amazing person you are.

P.S. I want desperately want you to appreciate my music.

Sorry I’m not eloquent enough to draw you in with every syllable I write. That doesn't make you better than me.

I’m listening to music while writing this because of you. I can’t decide if I like it.

You’re an ass.

Please don’t cry anymore. Let’s get the new gang together and run away and just bask in the sun.

You’re really an ass and I don’t know what made you hate me but I never stopped loving you and that’s why this hurts so bad.

Your mother is a remarkable lady. Please give her more credit. I care about you so much.

I want my brain to explode so I don’t have to think anymore. I think I've cried myself dry, because no tears are coming out. Either that or God took away my ability, because it was slowly killing us both.

I’m sorry that I swear, I know most people don’t like it, but YOU ARE AN ASS.

Please hug me tighter so I know it’s okay to hug you when you cry. I wish I wouldn’t have left the car tonight.

lawls 4 dayzzz

(me and Miss Daisy collaborate write, some days. We call it collabowrite.)

 

It’s getting bad, thought Joan, I’ve lost all will and am having dreams about strange men and I like them. It’s time.

 

Snorting and giggling Natalie ran out of the car and let her toes squish the wet sand. Her legs were freezing, but that’s what you get for not wearing real pants. Laughing and spinning Joan screamed “I’m only wearing spankies!” “So am I!” Natalie responded as they came closer and closer to the water. Natalie stopped at the shore, hair already wet from the pounding rain. “Remember how cold it was last time?” Joan’s eyes widened. “Uhh…yeah.”

 

James leapt in the water, and ran out. “It hurts!” he said amongst the girl’s giggles. Joan waded in a little, “IT’S LIKE KNIFES ON YOUR FEET!” she screamed, while making noises that sounded oddly like a choking opera singer.

 

Will bounded out of the darkness in nothing but basketball shorts, screaming. “When I jump in, you all have to admit I’m the king of koalas, deal?” Then, without warning, he got in. “KING OF THE KOALAS!” Joan and Natalie shouted in unison. James ran in after him. They were all laughing, their grins bigger than the goosebumps surfacing on their skin. Before they knew it, everyone was wet, both from the zero degree water and the pounding rain.

 

Walking back to the car, covered in blankets, they all claimed “it wasn’t even cold anymore.”

 

Joan threw her head back and let the rain wash away her tears. Smearing her mascara with her blanket, she silently thanked her lucky stars that she was here at this precise moment.

 

Natalie smirked. They all told her swimming in the freezing rain was a stupid idea.

Swimming in the Rain

"Last night was so fun."

"It was."

Let's do something reckless. Let's do something we can laugh about for years. Let's do something stupid.

It's been a while since I've felt alive, but you might have ignited my soul.

Say we're the kings and queens.

Say it, because high school was noting like my brother made it sound.

Say we're the kings and queens because I hate labels,

But I never said no to a title.

SAY WE'RE THE KINGS AND QUEENS.

Say it, because I'm holding a knife to your throat,

But I'm just reckless like that.

We'll laugh about it in a couple months.

Say we're the kings and queens, because last night,

Under that water,

I was on top of the world.

I've been gone for a long time,

and I really wasn't planning on coming back.

My nose has found comfort in my books,

And my eyes like darting from page to page

The exercise was "good" for me.

Good for my muscles,

But my soul tore.

Say we're the kings and queens.

Because I need you sew me back together,

And every queen

needs a king.