10:56 PM on a Tuesday

I dunno, I guess I kind of think all religions are true.

I do believe there's a God. And in my mind God loves you. And in my mind, the thing God cares about most is your relationship with Him. And in my mind, God just wants you to be happy.

I think all religions are true.

I really do. I think that religion is something we use to explain, something we use for comfort. I think that's why there's so many of them...God knew that one wouldn't work for just everyone. A religion is a place where we practice faith. And, I suppose as long as you have faith in Him, God is happy. God is happy because you're building a relationship with Him.

I know this is risky, saying this in Happy County Mormonville, but I really believe what I say. And maybe, there is one religion that is more correct than others, and maybe there is the "one true church"

but that doesn't mean the others don't have truth.

That doesn't mean that the others are wrong.

Because they bring people comfort, too.

And they're bringing people closer to God.

And God likes that.

Now, let's keep in mind, all religions, though centered on God (except Atheism and the Church of Science...but I see their points, too), are ran by people.

People are not perfect.

That being said, I'm concluding that there is no perfect religion.

There is a religion that can bring me peace and happiness and comfort, but it will not be perfect. Hey, maybe there are four or five religions I'd find peace within. And I'm fine with that.

I think that there are religions that have scary practices. Practices I don't agree with. And I think that's where the "ran by people" thing comes in. I believe at one point it was a pure religion, and now people have tainted it. I don't know how God feels about that, I don't want to try to figure it out.

Because what matters to me is my relationship with God.

Now please don't get me wrong here. I'm sure a lot of you are reading this thinking about how much you hate Utah County, because there are people who are posting about their religious preferences on their blog. But, I'm just being honest here. I'm not trying to persuade you any way, I'm just being honest.

I do believe there's a God. And in my mind God loves you. And in my mind, the thing God cares about most is your relationship with Him. And in my mind, God just wants you to be happy.

But, at many times in my life, I haven't felt my God. And I have been left alone. I don't know if God is mad at me, and I don't know how He punishes people, or why. I feel like He cut the cord on our telephone because He's tired of my mood swings. I feel like He just needs a break from me. And I'm so so sorry for that. I think He's done hearing my apologies. I don't know how He works, but maybe one day we can talk again. I have torn my hair out by the lamplight in my room, on my knees screaming for something, anything, to get me through the next day, only to feel nothing. I have sat reading a book all day because I can't will myself to stand up, and I have never had help. I don't know why He stopped talking to me, and I don't know if He's coming back.

I need to leave my religion to find my spirituality.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone with this, I really wasn't trying to. It's just what I honestly believe, I don't want to start contentions in the comments. If you believe that your church is "the only true church" that's great. I honestly am so happy that you're happy, but please don't bear me your testimony. If you do, I will most likely kindly ignore it. Also, I'm not claiming to be a religion expert. There's a lot of religions I don't know about, and if something I said is incorrect, I'm sorry. I'm pretty ignorant most days. I don't know if this makes sense. I don't know if anyone read it. I don't know if anyone cares. I know that maybe my blog wasn't the right place for this. And I know my words don't flow in beautiful tears down your face, because they're more like the blunt haircut you got made fun of for in the fifth grade. But I hope something about that haircut made you stronger. I know mine did. Everyone called me Lemon Head, and now I hate most people and hairdressers.

I don't know how that last phrase fit in, or how this whole post fits in the world, but it's 10:56 PM, and I should be getting in bed.